Ladies and gentlemen, cricket tragics and stat hoarders, welcome to the May Edition of the Fantasy Cricket League Monthly Report, where dreams are built, teams are cursed, and Mike Renison is still trying to pretend his win was all skill and not voodoo.

May was a month full of high scores, last-minute strategies, and some rather questionable transfer decisions (we’re looking at you, “Breaking Bails”). As we approach the final reckoning, only two teams can emerge victorious—one with glory, and the other with...a slightly smaller but still valuable sum of cash. Here's a quick rundown of the top 5 teams that made us laugh, cry, and wonder if fantasy cricket should be taken this seriously.

1st Place: DRS v VAR ?
Manager: Mike “Call Me The Oracle” Renison
Points: 3009
Prize: £15.00

The undisputed champions of May, DRS v VAR are not just here to play—they’re here to dominate. With a whopping 3009 points, they’ve absolutely crushed the competition. Mike Renison, the manager, has clearly been doing something magical behind the scenes (or perhaps just bribing the players to actually show up). Either way, they've earned themselves a cool £15.00, which will hopefully cover Mike’s celebratory drinks… or at least his team's pint at the local.
Fun Fact: His bench alone scored more points than some entire teams. Yes, we’re talking about you, Paul.

2nd Place: Paris Sanjdaman ?
Manager: Sanjay “PSG of Points” Patel
Points: 2594
Prize: £5.00

Second place is a tough one—so close yet so far away. Paris Sanjdaman, managed by Sanjay Patel, racked up 2594 points, but alas, no £15.00 prize. Still, £5.00 isn't too bad, especially if you're a fan of buying half a pint of beer or a small packet of crisps. Sanjay combined flair, chaos, and sheer stubbornness to stay at the top. Naming his team after a football club was a bold choice — but then again, his team played like Neymar on Red Bull: unpredictable, flashy, and somehow still effective. Sanjay has clearly done well here, but will his team be able to keep the momentum going or will they fade into oblivion like Paris Hilton’s reality TV career? Only time will tell.
Slogan: “We don’t chase targets; we chase vibes.”

3rd Place: Thunder Cats ^:^ ⚡
Manager: Muhammad “Storm Bringer” Rehmani
Points: 2531

If there was a “Most Stylish Team Name” award, Thunder Cats ^:^ would be a strong contender. However, the fantasy cricket gods were not kind enough to give them a podium finish this time. Muhammad’s strategy? Raw aggression, wild picks, and a team logo made in Microsoft Paint. Somehow, it worked.

4th Place: Fabulous on Paper ?✨
Manager: Paul “Theory Test” Nicholson
Points: 2496

Paul’s team was fabulous on paper — and that’s exactly where the fabulousness ended. His players looked amazing in previews, sparkled in warmups, and then collectively decided to perform like they were playing in a charity match. Paul Nicholson’s team might want to look into how their “paper” plans failed to materialize into an actual victory—perhaps it’s time for a new strategy, or at least a paper shredder for those old tactics!
Despite that, he missed third place by just 35 points. So close, yet so Fabulous (™).

5th Place: Breaking Bails ?
Manager: Moeed “Heisenbowl” Chughtai
Points: 2495

Moeed came in swinging like Walter White in a bowling hat — bold, brilliant, and slightly dangerous. But alas, the bails weren’t the only thing breaking — his luck was too. He finished ONE POINT behind Paul, who now smugly refers to himself as a “Top Four Guy.” Better luck next month!

? League Takeaways for May:

• Mike has clearly sold his soul. Possibly to the Fantasy Gods.
• Sanjay wants to be both Mbappé and Malinga.
• Muhammad trusts chaos, and the chaos trusts him back.
• Paul is now considering renaming his team to “Mediocre on grass.”
• Moeed has submitted an official request for a recount. It’s been denied.

? June Forecast:

Brace yourself. Chips will be played, strategies will be sabotaged, and someone will captain a player who doesn’t even make the squad.

Stay tuned, stay humble, and remember: Fantasy cricket is 10% skill, 90% "Why did I bench that guy!?"